Dreams without legs.....

I keep having these dreams, for about a year now, where I am trying to hurry to catch a plane or bus, or I am hurrying to run a away from someone or something, but then my legs stop working. It is the most helpless feeling, my legs feel like they are being dragged through thick boggy mud, I have no control over them, no strength. No matter how hard I try I just cannot make them work, and so I am dragging myself along. Sometimes the dream is in a dark forest when I am running and others in a very public place, and I am afraid of what others will think to see this crazy woman who keeps falling over, and then has to crawl along pulling her body by her arms over the ground.

I had this dream again last night, this time in a busy airport parking area, and I was rushing to meet someone, but had other stuff to do before that. I had been riding a motorbike, but then when I parked it, it turned into a three wheeled child's tricycle. It was as I was trying to park that my legs gave way.

I decided to consult my Tarot of Dreams by Ciro Marchetti which I have in the form of an iPhone app. I asked for a two card reading, from the first card I asked what this dream means, and I drew the Nine of Swords.... haha!! Yes well I probably could have guessed :) The second card I asked what I could do about the situation, why I keep having the dream, and I got the Ten of Wands.

Nine of Swords - Tarot of Dreams by Ciro Marchetti

I recently sold this deck, as I find it very hard to read with this art, not sure why.... maybe the borders being so ornate, seems to close one card off from the next in a spread. But if there were one card that could have persuaded me to keep it, it would have been this one. I really love this Nine of Swords, it says it all for me. Amazing it came up too as it is about this woman waking from a bad dream into maybe a worse nightmare of her own creation. Although she seems to be safe in a castle, she sees the claw hand in the branch of a tree, coming to get her. How often have you done that? As a child I always saw things in the silhouettes of trees through the window and the shadows of my room at night. I guess waking from a bad dream only enhances the sense of fear that throws the imagination into overdrive.

This card is about imagining the worst, insomnia, over worrying about the present or future. Feeling maybe that you want to wake up from your own life. Helplessness. Very applicable to the dream, it is our emotions that immobilise us, our worries and anxiety more than what actually is happening in our lives. I have had a lot of sleepless nights recently, because I try to avoid the worry merry go round, I play Sudoku or Freecell on my iPhone.... or I read. Just stopping your mind from thinking about life and concentrating on something single mindedly can help. Like taking time out from thought.

Ten of Wands - Tarot of Dreams by Ciro Marchetti

 
The Ten of Wands has a similar feeling to the Nine of Swords in this card.... like this guy has taken on more than he can carry. The weight of his load has brought him to his knees, not to mention his burning up in the extreme heat if the situation. The ten signifies a completion of sorts, but not without burden. The pressure at the end is too great, and although you may have achieved a goal, it is time to look at what it is costing you. I think this guy must have been juggling with these wands of fire, and the effort became too much, and they all came crashing down upon him and bought him down with them.

Very like my situation, where I have worked so hard and put up with huge amounts of stress and worry and despair, to get our residency in New Zealand. Now we have it I am realising that the last 8 years have taken a lot more out of me than I thought. Everything has been towards this goal,  and I would have given up years ago were it not for my older daughters. I brought them here, we made a new life and I owed it to them to make sure they could stay here in that life. Now I feel stuck and trapped, in a house that is too big, with land I can't manage and little or no help. It is easy to see whay this card came up. Easy to see why my legs gave out in the dreams.

On the first day of Christmas....

...... my BoGo gave to me ....

two swords and a blindfold... :)

Hmmmmm...... well I didn't see any ships sailing in so best take what I am given in good grace! I just love this card, and it reminds me of one of my favorites in the Victorian Romantic, the Nine of Swords. The two cards are very similar, with the woman on the rooftop, and  the closed eyes, or in this case blindfolded eyes.

Two of Swords - Bohemian Gothic

The woman stands on the balcony of a grand church, with many spires, below a starry sky. There are two sharp pinnacles atop turrets behind her, they have golden globes on each and pierce the night sky, like the swords. It looks to me like she is holding up a curtain or gown in front of her, and this is why her arms are crossed. She is blindfolded, but as she chooses to wear the blindfold then she must have good reason for it. She is lit up either from a light out of the picture or the moon.... I like to think its the moon. It adds meanings to the image for me.

The blindfold and the robe held up to cover her body say to me something like, I can't see you, but you cant see me either. I remember as a child believing that if I couldn't see someone then they couldn't see me! This lady looks very serene, no fear in her face that we can see. Is she waiting for her lover, and playing a party game? Its strange the blindfold and covering, yet standing in the full moonlight, instead of hiding in the shadows. Does the moon say that her blindness and body covering are illusory, no protection at all from whatever she is trying to avoid seeing?

The blindfold could signify denial of something she doesn't want to face up to, and likewise turning her back on those huge foreboding towers above her. Yet she is in the sanctuary of the church, which is maybe why she feels safe. Perhaps, like the vampires she is only able to come out and night. Then there is the blind justice aspect of the blindfold, although it doesn't really go with the crossed arms, they are self protective even if they are holding up her gown. Whatever the blindfold is for, it does tell us that she has chosen not to see the world, or be part of it, being out there alone... unless it is a party game after all!

Hmmmmmm.... so am I hiding away... I do hide away.... I do feel as if hiding sets me apart from the world, as if the world cannot see me. I wonder what I am afraid to see or feel....? Certainly the card has a strange air, with someone behaving rather irrationally, for whatever reason! Anyway I came out of hiding today and went to the beach with Polly and Phoebe!! Without a blindfold. Anyway as it is the party season I think maybe this card could be telling me to stop hiding and celebrate the season by joining in the fun and games... the stranger the better maybe !!!! Party time ;)

Enjoy the feasting... and if you are in the Northern hemisphere, enjoy the cool nights... it is sweltering here, and definitely not enjoyable, though I gotta say, it was great being in the sea earlier!

Nine of Swords

I almost laughed when this card came up.... although most see it as a bad card, I don't mind it...
The 9 can mean being close to the end of a cycle... in this case of tough times. It is also a card of worry, usually needless and I really did smile when I read this quote on James Ricklef's blog:

"Worrying is like praying for what you don't want..."

How perfect is that!!

It can be a drama queen card, and although I am much of a drama queen I have been involved with the drama's of a young drama princess recently !!! I do crave some excitement in my life too, if not quite drama.  I have years of just wanting to be close to hearth and home and then I just want out. Recently I decided I wanted *OUT*.....of my current lifestyle, and that has never really gone away. All my attempts so far have failed, but to me this simply means I haven't yet hit on the right one.

I want to hit the road, be a gypsy, go back to Europe, take cheap journey's on planes and trains, just because I can. Drink coffee on platforms and do some people watching.... sit in the guards cabin between the coaches and feel like I have my own private carriage. Oh yes.....I crave those things. How I love airports and railways stations.... well, mostly, not when you have to say goodbye to those whom you love and you don't want to leave.. that's not so good.

So the 9 of Swords... what is it about for me today? This particular card is from the Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan... the woman has a bite on her neck and looks as though she has given up, although the swords are close to hand they also block most of the view out of the window, like bars on a cage. Beyond the window you can see the moon. Could the moon be speaking of deception here, telling us that things are not as bad as they appear. Presumably the room has a another way out, so the prison could be illusory.

Nine of Swords Witches Tarot

Another side of this card is that of being under attack, a victim of cruel behaviour or maybe a psychic vampire. This has happened to me in the past. Is there a Lord of Cruelty hidden in the wardrobe? Hmmmmm..... that kind of has a 50 Shades of Grey feel about it.... hmmmmmm.

My step dad is dying.....  I am unsettled and have that helpless feeling, because he is at the other end of the world, and I feel bad because I can't be there with him. I don't want him to suffer... I want him to have peace and to know he is loved. This all has a touch of 9 of Swords.... it is a dark card I guess.

The darkest hour, is just before dawn....