Dreams without legs.....

I keep having these dreams, for about a year now, where I am trying to hurry to catch a plane or bus, or I am hurrying to run a away from someone or something, but then my legs stop working. It is the most helpless feeling, my legs feel like they are being dragged through thick boggy mud, I have no control over them, no strength. No matter how hard I try I just cannot make them work, and so I am dragging myself along. Sometimes the dream is in a dark forest when I am running and others in a very public place, and I am afraid of what others will think to see this crazy woman who keeps falling over, and then has to crawl along pulling her body by her arms over the ground.

I had this dream again last night, this time in a busy airport parking area, and I was rushing to meet someone, but had other stuff to do before that. I had been riding a motorbike, but then when I parked it, it turned into a three wheeled child's tricycle. It was as I was trying to park that my legs gave way.

I decided to consult my Tarot of Dreams by Ciro Marchetti which I have in the form of an iPhone app. I asked for a two card reading, from the first card I asked what this dream means, and I drew the Nine of Swords.... haha!! Yes well I probably could have guessed :) The second card I asked what I could do about the situation, why I keep having the dream, and I got the Ten of Wands.

Nine of Swords - Tarot of Dreams by Ciro Marchetti

I recently sold this deck, as I find it very hard to read with this art, not sure why.... maybe the borders being so ornate, seems to close one card off from the next in a spread. But if there were one card that could have persuaded me to keep it, it would have been this one. I really love this Nine of Swords, it says it all for me. Amazing it came up too as it is about this woman waking from a bad dream into maybe a worse nightmare of her own creation. Although she seems to be safe in a castle, she sees the claw hand in the branch of a tree, coming to get her. How often have you done that? As a child I always saw things in the silhouettes of trees through the window and the shadows of my room at night. I guess waking from a bad dream only enhances the sense of fear that throws the imagination into overdrive.

This card is about imagining the worst, insomnia, over worrying about the present or future. Feeling maybe that you want to wake up from your own life. Helplessness. Very applicable to the dream, it is our emotions that immobilise us, our worries and anxiety more than what actually is happening in our lives. I have had a lot of sleepless nights recently, because I try to avoid the worry merry go round, I play Sudoku or Freecell on my iPhone.... or I read. Just stopping your mind from thinking about life and concentrating on something single mindedly can help. Like taking time out from thought.

Ten of Wands - Tarot of Dreams by Ciro Marchetti

 
The Ten of Wands has a similar feeling to the Nine of Swords in this card.... like this guy has taken on more than he can carry. The weight of his load has brought him to his knees, not to mention his burning up in the extreme heat if the situation. The ten signifies a completion of sorts, but not without burden. The pressure at the end is too great, and although you may have achieved a goal, it is time to look at what it is costing you. I think this guy must have been juggling with these wands of fire, and the effort became too much, and they all came crashing down upon him and bought him down with them.

Very like my situation, where I have worked so hard and put up with huge amounts of stress and worry and despair, to get our residency in New Zealand. Now we have it I am realising that the last 8 years have taken a lot more out of me than I thought. Everything has been towards this goal,  and I would have given up years ago were it not for my older daughters. I brought them here, we made a new life and I owed it to them to make sure they could stay here in that life. Now I feel stuck and trapped, in a house that is too big, with land I can't manage and little or no help. It is easy to see whay this card came up. Easy to see why my legs gave out in the dreams.